


When the party's over

by madebythebook



Series: sebastian stan oneshots [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Emotional Hurt, Eventual Smut, F/M, Hurt, Implied/Referenced Cheating, One-Sided Relationship, Sad Ending, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-04-07 10:36:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19083301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madebythebook/pseuds/madebythebook
Summary: Don't you know too much already?I'll only hurt you if you let meCall me friend, but keep me closer (Call me back)And I'll call you when the party's over"Even if you tear me to pieces or even if you reduce me to ashes, I would still go back and give you my heart,"





	When the party's over

Don't you know I'm no good for you?  
I've learned to lose you, can't afford to  
Tore my shirt to stop you bleeding  
But nothing ever stops you leaving 

 

Y/N lay there, still, soft sheets barely covering her naked flesh. It traced the edge of her skin, gentle around her and the only source of comfort in the room, if any. Her head throbbed as she watched him from her bed, shuddering under the crisp linen. Her vision was blurry, tears foaming around her eyes and cupping the edge of her cheeks. Her eyes seemed to follow him around the room as he collected his clothes, a discarded trail of material weaving around the room. A trail, just about resembling their love for each other, scattered, unwanted, chaotic. Discarded. A loveless act of intimacy, each thrust, she remembered as she clung onto him, hands trailing against his back. Just sex, no feelings, cold, harsh, brutal. 

Sebastian took a sip of water, his throat dry, air thick and it seemed to be lifeless. He sighed slightly, taking a hold of his pants as he sat at the edge of the bed. Y/N trembled. She buried herself deeper in the warmth of her duvet but even that seemed to be cold. The warm patch by her side was quickly fading but Sebastian’s cologne seemed to be overpowering, overbearing and a tear rolled from her cheek, falling onto the empty pillow by her side. But her eyes were still, focused on the man in front of her and sadly, nothing else seemed to be more important. 

And she was attentive. Rather too attentive. His breathing, low, hushed but heavy and how, when he walked, his footsteps were soft but rung in her ears or when he threw on his shirt, the sound of the cold material against his skin was prominent. He was there, he was always there, but never for her.  
Y/N closed her eyes. It was painful. All she could hear was his footsteps, one by one as Sebastian walked away from her, one step at a time. It hurt. She wrenched her eyes shut; she couldn’t bear to look at him. She wanted to, she yearned to, she craved to. But one last look didn’t make any difference.  
“I’ll see you later then,”  
The door slammed shut.  
Y/N finally opened her eyes. 

 

Quiet when I'm coming home and I'm on my own  
I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that  
I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that

 

It took her a while to get used to the fact that Sebastian wasn’t coming back. The latch of the door, a click, keys were turned and as a few months, four months, past, the agony that he wasn’t there seemed to fade, so slowly, so agonizingly, but it was fading. And yet, she missed him; it was true. She missed just talking to him, they had been the best of friends. He was charming, in everything he did. He was a good friend, she knew that, and in the beginning, before everything, there was this flicker in his eyes and she knew that he cared for her, even if it was as a friend. He’d sit down, he’d talk to her so genuinely, so politely that when she’d watch him leave her every time, she always wondered if that were the same man she’d grown so fond of. 

She missed kissing him. It was the only moment of intimacy she ever felt with him although she knew it wasn’t real. She loved the way he would cup her cheeks, embrace her like he loved her, like she was something to him more than just a casual hook up. She loved the feel of her skin gently grazing against his stubble and she loved how her hand roamed through his hair. It was the only moment she could have thought he was actually in love with her. But he was an actor and a brilliant one, he could make her believe anything.

But she also missed his touch at night. His hands roaming her bare skin, so sinful and when he’d whisper something in her ear, she grew to be a mess. Now, she’d lay her head back on her pillow at night, slip her hands past her cotton panties just to reassemble the feeling of him between her legs once again. But it was useless. Sebastian was an unhealthy addiction that she just couldn’t get over. He was intoxicating, the idea of loving someone who didn’t love you back: it was sickeningly addictive. Whatever happened, he was her motive. She wanted him, she needed him, she lusted for him.  
Not the other way around.

It was like a fairy-tale but in this one, she would never get her Prince Charming. It was the one-sided love she so clearly remembered, the feeling as he thrust into her, shameless moans followed on after. It was tugging on her emotions, playing with them, or at least he was. It was as though Sebastian simply didn’t care for her, not in the way she did. 

When he’d brush through her hair and tell her he loved tonight and everything about it, he never told her that he loved her. When they were out together, whatever happened behind closed doors, he would always claim they were just friend. When he finished with her, he’d kiss her softly, gently as though he truly cared and then leave just as quickly as he came. 

She could say that she liked it, coming back to the peace of her home, alone, finally rid of him after she became sick of the way he treated her. But in all honesty, she wanted him so bad and she would do anything for him, anything to get him back. There was no point lying. 

 

Don't you know too much already?  
I'll only hurt you if you let me  
Call me friend, but keep me closer (Call me back)  
And I'll call you when the party's over

 

Y/N heard that he was in the area, after his tour to promote Endgame, back in NYC. Her heart raced slightly too much as her phone rung slightly, Sebastian’s name and then a text beneath it. She knew she shouldn’t have replied; he’d been away for so long; he’d just left her without notice and now he was back. She knew she shouldn't let anyone treat her like that, to pick up and throw her to the side like she was nothing, but as his name came up with a text beneath it. 

‘Tonight?’

She couldn’t help reply. 

‘Sure’

And then he turned up, turn of a key, click, and the latch. The door opened to a man it had not seen in a while. It was like a stranger had shown up; it had been more than a while. But there he was, standing at her door back to play games. 

Yet somehow, after all this time, there weren’t any apologies of how he’d just left her, thrown her to the side, or any greetings, not even a simple ‘hello’. Sebastian slammed the door behind him, clutching her back as he towered above her. His lips crashed into hers and Y/N felt an immense weight falling off her shoulders; she had him back. She took no time to acknowledge the fact that after this, there wasn’t anymore, she would lose him again, not that she ever had him. But she continued, he was beckoning her towards him as she wrapped her legs around Sebastian’s waist, leggings quickly slipping off, his breath hot against her bare skin. 

He tore her off her blouse, unclipping the latch of her bra as Y/N buried her lips to the side of his neck, bruising kisses of her love towards him she thrust her hips towards him for the slightest bit of friction between them. She was starved of him, she wanted him, after 5 months she wanted him back. Her fingers ran down to his boxers frantically, trying to slip them off but then suddenly Sebastian slapped the side of her ass.

“Not yet,” he growled, his right arm hooking her leg up. “Beg for me baby,”

Y/N whimpered under his grasp, breathing heavily as she stared back up at him with lust struck eyes. “Please Seba,” she pleaded, biting her lip viciously. Her voice sounded needy, small whimpers, pleads as she lay under him. “I want you, so much, just please, let me- “

Suddenly, Sebastian then began to tear off the thin clad that separated them, his hand sliding past her lace panties devilishly and towards her clit, teasing it as he gently pressed his weight down on her. He pulled a satisfied grin, hearing her moans fill a once empty room. Her legs latched around his waist, begging, pleading for more as he began to harden against her. He placed the tip of his cock, flushed red and leaky with precum, close enough to tease but just not enough. 

Y/N whined, her breath hot and heavy as she arched her back. She was on edge, pleading, begging for him, she would do anything for her Sebastian. She was a mess and just that. Just for him. 

“Sebastian, Seb, please I can’t- “ 

He thrust into her and then it felt like the longest wait had ended. She moaned, lustful, sinful, but she was relieved. She tilted her head back, sighing through pleasure as though she was finally complete. 

But something in her, as her hands continued to trail through his hair, something wasn’t right. When she wrapped her legs around his waist, feeling the weight of him against her, it didn’t feel right. When she clenched her eyes shut, on the edge of something that seemed to be forever, something wasn’t right. 

She didn’t feel complete.

She didn’t feel anything.

She just felt the same.

Alone.

Because that afternoon, when her agent turned up at her apartment about a new job, Y/N sat down at the table, Sebastian beside her sipping a glass of water, cheeks flushed and hair messy. Y/N’S breath was heavy, a slight smile planted on her and it didn’t seem to be about the news her agent had revealed to her. The two had fresh, cheery faces and yet with an odd undertone. The woman on the other side of the table raised an eyebrow at the two, clearly questioning the situation and laughed. 

“Are you two together?” she chuckled, furrowing her eyebrows comically. “It would make great publicity!” 

But the only reply she got was from Sebastian, the man who Y/N had just lay in bed with, who she had given her body and soul to, who she loved so much, too much. And she had predicted it, oh she had predicted it, but she didn’t want to acknowledge it. Not at all. Not when he was her world, she didn’t want everything to crash down, she didn’t want to watch it all shatter into a million pieces.  
But it still broke her heart.

“Oh no, we’re just friends,”

 

But nothing is better sometimes  
Once we've both said our goodbyes  
Let's just let it go  
Let me let you go

 

After that, she did shatter. She expected it, she knew this would happen one day and Y/N shattered. Her world seemed to be spinning for a moment and when Sebastian left, the door latch clicking behind him, turn of a key as she shut the door, Y/N listened. 

She listened intently, the sound of his footsteps to the elevator, the slight ping and then as it went down. She watched from her window, 5 floors up as she saw him walk out the building, away, buried in the depths of his hoodie, into his car. And then Sebastian drove away, somewhere, but far away from her and by now, tears streaming down her face. 

She was a brutal mess.  
***

It took her a while to heal after that, after he left her again. He didn’t come back, months later when she landed the role. Her agent was ecstatic when she’d heard the news Y/N was going to star in (insert TV show name). And by then, it had been so long since she had seen Sebastian, since she had heard the ring of his voice or felt his touch. She had something for him, her heart still skipped a beat when she thought of him, but wounds healed slowly but surely. Y/N, for some odd reason, felt accomplished, felt whole without anyone. And it was the most beautiful of feelings. 

Her first day on set was like a whole new start. It felt refreshing, moving out to LA from the apartment that constantly reminded her of him. The air was fresh, a cleansed feeling and the ache seemed to fade away. She could be a whole new person without him, meeting new people and taking her own time. For once, she could live without his constant presence and it took perseverance but every time he came back in her mind, her daily though she would distract herself and, in the end, the prided herself in the skill.

But every so often, he would return, the thought of Sebastian and how long she had yearned for him came back. It was like a taunting memory, she cherished it but she didn’t want it. She couldn’t bear to forget him but she tried so hard to. Sometimes, she would end up at crossroads and she was tempted to turn back to him, so tempted.

And as she sat in her chair, waiting for her call, scrolling through her feed as the sound of the directors’ voice seemed to stand clear in the room. Y/N seemed to be rather unbothered by everyone else and rather too reserved. His voice, this director, it sounded too similar to a voice she craved, one she’d loved but hadn’t heard in so long. She knew that wasn’t Sebastian but it was like her brain had played tricks on her, that everything was flashing back in her mind.

She blinked.

She blinked again.

And it was still there.

She couldn’t get rid of it, but she knew someone else could as she heard an unfamiliar voice to her side, she opted for escape.

“Hey,” Y/N turned her head suddenly. She relaxed. A distraction. “You must be Y/N,” she smiled politely at the woman sitting next to her, around her age, maybe younger but beautiful, she noticed quite clearly. 

“Yeah, Hi, nice to meet you,” and she offered her hand to the woman, who gladly shook it. Maybe too gladly.

“Oh yes, finally, he’s told me all about you,”

And then Y/N furrowed her eyebrows, suddenly confused. The woman seemed to talk to her like she knew her, like they should’ve known each other. She peered at her inquisitively, raising her eyebrow slightly.

“Who, who told you all about me,” her voice was one of pure confusion but her ears were attentive. 

But the pause, the silence as the woman replied, was tedious. It was just a few moments, but it felt like an eternity, the longest wait as the words fell from her mouth.

And when they did, it dropped like glass on hard ground. It shattered into small shards that pricked. Y/N could’ve gasped if she wanted to. But she wasn’t shocked. Cried, possibly, she could’ve sobbed and left there and then. Because it stung, like all the other times when she realized there was nothing else, she wanted more than him but she never could have him. He hurt her so much. And now it just felt numb. Nothing hurt her anymore.

And now she smiled. Her heart broke but she smiled.

Because after everything, she wouldn’t have expected any less from Sebastian Stan.

“Sebastian. I’m his girlfriend,”

Epilogue 

Sebastian groaned as his head hit the pillow. He was weak and he knew it. He took another sip of his beer, gulping. His eyes were drooped, shadows circling under them and his cheeks seemed to be damp as though he had been crying. His shoulders felt heavy from the burden, from all the mistakes and all the regret. His head ached and as he tried to drown his sorrows, nothing seemed to work. All he could think about was her.

And if he could go back, he would. He had walked into the wrong path, by accident, but the wrong path. He had hurt and it hurt. He’ persuaded himself that he was happy, content with his life, when nothing was alright, nothing was ok. 

Everything he had loved, he had broken, everything he didn’t, he had nurtured. 

His phone lay tossed at the side of the desk. Three missed calls from the woman he claimed he loved. But he had grown sick of her, for so long but he never had the guts to tell her, he never did. And for that, he made sickening choices. 

He scrolled through his contact list to Y/N. He felt a tear roll down his cheek and he stuttered. 

Sebastian only loved one woman. But he was scared, scared to leave his relationship which he knew was nothing more than a loveless cold mess. And instead of telling the truth, he hid it. Instead of loving truthfully, he lied. He hurt someone he loved, he broke her and that broke him. 

He couldn’t change anything now. He hovered over call but what was the use.

Because he knew nothing meant more to him than Y/N. But everything led up to this moment, not one path but two, two separate souls in their own two realities that the could’ve had together. It was love that could never be.  
***  
The room was filled with despair, cluttered, a mess that resembled his own self. Sebastian groaned. A trail of clothes lay scattered around him, but only of his own. A trail, just about resembling his and Y/N’s love for each other, scattered, unwanted, chaotic. Discarded. He remembered the loveless act of intimacy, each thrust. He remembered as she clung onto him, her hands trailing against his back. 

Just sex. 

No feelings.

Cold.  
Harsh.  
Brutal.

If he could take it back he would.

But he can't. 

And now he was alone.

 

Quiet when I'm coming home and I'm on my own  
I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that  
I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that

**Author's Note:**

> Hey  
> Just a quick note from the author
> 
> I'm a new writer and I haven't been doing this for long so it would be amazing if you could give me some feedback on what you thought needed improving etc. If you have any ideas for other one-shots etc please feel free to suggest them - I'm open to anything and it doesn't always need to be about sebby bby although that would be great too!
> 
> Also, I took my inspiration from 'Say You'll Remember Me (Even if It's Just in Your Wildest Dreams)' by clarissa_writes so feel free to check it out because it's amazing! 
> 
> And all credits to the song by Billie Eilish 'When the party's over'
> 
> Anyway I hope you enjoyed this reading


End file.
